Lesson Learnt- Get on your knees

Hello!
I am sitting here trying to get some work done, thoughts going through my mind  to call the ex-mr and ask him why he treated me the way he did? If he ever loved me? All the times of dating and courtship what did it mean to him? Then the other part wonders what he is up to? Maybe if I call him, I will say something to hurt him. But that is not me, I dont enjoy hurting people not even someone I cared so much about. I was wondering if to wrap up my work and cry myself to sleep and ask God why everything happened the way it did.What hurts the most is that the ex-mr was the one that use to encourage me to get my work done but then..ha! life...But then I have to motivate myself through this time. King David motivated himself when his son and Ahitophel were plotting his downfall and today, He is one of the greatest king in history. I need to be the best for me and not anyone. I made the decision to leave, so I must learn to live with it. I have to stop being the victim here, I have to see myself as the role model who took a stand and walked out. I have to do me :D and be empowered again. Be the woman I have always wanted to be. Singleness is not a disease ( LOL, @ilola post killed me with laugh lol).

Suddenly my music playlist started playing Jaci Velasquez: On My Knees. Its a very beautiful song..So I decided, calling is not worth it. This is part of moving on and being me. At-least he did stop texting and calling. Hey! it does feel good to know someone is tryna get your attention even if you dont want to give them that attention HEHE. I am wondering if I am suppose to miss him, lol. My girlie said, try not to think of the good times so you can move on fast..Ha some people and their advise..Abi my people weting una think?

To all the beautiful men and women who is experincing the same thing, I say hang in there, we can make it, we can get through this. Its us re-discovering ourself. Unveiling our beauty and recognizing you are Gold and should be treated as one..Take this experince as the refining process that gold goes through to become stronger and shiny ;)..The best is here just open your eyes and you will see. Till next time, stay blessed and pass on the message. If you are feeling sad like I am right now, get on your knees and talk to God.. A Nigerian gospel singer (Lara George) said, when life brings you down to your knees, that's the best position to PRAY.

Thanks everyone for your comments, support, follow-ing (?sp)me..:) I bet get on my knees cos that's the best position now.
I have posted the lyrics to the song. Enjoy and have a blessed weekend ahead :) Pass on the message.

There are days when I feel
The best of me is ready to begin (the end)
Then there's (the) days
when I feel  I'm letting go  and soaring on the wind
'Cause I've learned in laughter or in pain
How to survive!

I get on my knees! (x2)
There I am before the Love That changes me
See I don't know how
But there's power
When I'm on my knees

I can be  in a crowd Or by myself  and almost anywhere
When I feel there's a need To talk with God
He is Emmanuel
When I close my eyes, no darkness there. There's only light!

I get on my knees (x2)
There I am before the Love that changes me
See I don't know how, but there's power
In the blue skies, in the midnight
When I'm on my knees
I get on my knees (x2)
There I am before the Love
That changes me
See I don't know how, but there's power
When I'm on my, oh, when I'm on my
When I'm on my knees

Lesson Learnt- Is anyone immuned to ABUSE! Long post alert!

Hello people,

Good news, the reconciliation is going well :-)..Nawa for devil work oh. Insults from my family is reducing as popsi has cautioned everyone :( . My dad said dont trust anyone with confidential information until he/she is certified confidential aka hubby/wife.

Neways, some days back  I was talking to a friend that the ex-mr hated and is now trying to be bff with (^-^). She said no guy can do that (abuse) to her because she knows her self worth (eyes rolling ^-^ really?). I said oh yea? she said of course. There is one saying I always echo to people, no matter how strongwilled you are as a christian, if you are surrrounded by unbelievers, give yourself time, if they dont learn from you, you will become like them. Okay lemme say a mini-story. I had this girlfriend who swears on her life that she cant drink ogogoro aka alcohol because she will faint blaaaah. I said ha okay but there is a way to drink not like crazy drunks (hey! i wasn't trying to initiate her oh, ehm call it what you like, I drink wine only on occassions -_-). Chick no gree. So this babe traveled to another country for holiday, she met ogogoro experts there, trust na, after hanging out with them for 1-4months, chick comes back singing the praises of beer and ogogoro (uhmm e do me like film trick). Chick said, oh they talked her into it brabrappppp. Well, all I am trying to say is that the more you hang out with a person you start acting and talking like each other. If its a lie, why do maarried people look alike :D, even as christians if you spend so much time with God you will start thinking and acting like God.

So as my dear friend said she is immune to abuse due to taking antibiotics aka self awareness, I said I beg to disagree with that. There are some human beings you meet that the way they talk, you will find yourself doing the things you know are wrong (you will even start justifying it). And yes I know life is a matter of choice, you must shine your eyes. True talk. What about when the person cleaning your eyes (manipulating) is the one you hold dearly to your heart? The main thing is recognizing who you are and your worth, that's what will give you the courage to bounce out of the relationship when you are being abused. This brings me to another point, I learnt that when in a relationship, there comes a point when you pause your half-heart/ half-head button and start using the full-head button. Infact I am tempted to say in relationships use your head, in marriage use your heart and small head. :D. That point is when the dude/mam starts speaking/acting in a way you know deep in your heart is wrong (now ladies/gents, dont go suppressing that still small voice telling you the truth naw)

More so, abusers don't show themselves on the first day, they don't come with a special tag saying "I am abusive". You have to see the signs to run. You see, my ex-mr was the typical black man, clean cut, smell good, tall, dark handsome, dresses well, speaks with eloquence and gentle. Add PHD and christian to that list. Yes ladies and gentleman he was the package with an invisible label screaming hazardous material stay clear.The only thing was that I wasn't seeing that label. Dont be fooled by the he/she is a christian. Ask the questions, get under his/her skin about their spirituality. Even sometimes, this abusers are experts in lying. My ex-mr was the typical I pray and fast alot, he knew the bible quiet well, he claimed to have a relationship with God and from the way he spoke about God, ha! i was like check mark. Not everybody that says I am a christian is one. Even Lil-kim says she has a relationship with God (-_-). This brings me to the point of saying ladies/gents always pray before you enter a relationship and when you are in one, so that God will open your eyes to see things. I prayed before entering the relationship (as in prayed but I guess I wasnt listening to God).

When an individual starts making you reconsider your principles, such as sex is wrong but if we fall God will forgive us and I will make sure you dont get pregnant. Uhmm ladies and gents, its more like saying, robbing the bank is bad oh but if we do it, we will make sure the police dont catch us. I am saying when you find yourself reconsidering or modifying the principles and values that governs your life and has made you who you are, then its time to switch the half-head/half-heart button off and switch on the full-head button. Its okay to change habits like if you smoke and your partner dont like it because he/she is asthmatic (*insert your example*), but if you do things out of the selfish request of the other person then there is a problem. Its not love my dear, its stupidity.

I guess its boils down to how you present yourself to the person and how you let them treat you. But hey, some of this people are experts, all they need to do is find your kryptonite like superman, and they will tackle you well. So, sometimes, being smart or strongwilled might not help, you have to know when to switch those buttons on and off.

Another thing I will like to mention is that some men/women think because they have high self-esteem and are known by many to have such esteem, they believe a person cant abuse them. Whereas, they are in denial and keep letting the signs slip right under their nose all in the name of *i love him/her and understand him/her*. Most times, this is a factor that plays a role in a person's inability to leave such relationship. Some say they are trying to protect there self worth, others say people believe so much in the relationship, while me I was saying if I let the ex-mr go what if he change to a better person in future I dont what to miss out.

My questions to you are, what self worth are you holding onto? is it the one the abuser has shattered? or the one you allowed the abuser develop for you? or the one you threw outta the window when he/she kissed you and looked like a good influence in your life? or is it the one you flung out the window for the sake of love? pardon my questions. Another question is, who cares what people are going to say if you walk out of the relationship? do they know what you are going through and what the future holds? are they going to marry you and the abuser? will they be there 24/7 to hold your hands? people say what they think is right for that situation but when they are in such situation, you have to wonder what will they do.Thats why we humans are different, so we gotta act different not acting like penguins (they all look alike). I even went as far as saying it might be God's will for me to marry him. Marry? sometimes we humans bring things upon ourselves and blame God after all the signs he has shown us. You know, I said to myself, if he changes in future, let the next woman enjoy him (ladies/gents that's reality), but me, I wont spend my life waiting/hoping/praying that he changes so I can enjoy him. That prayer is reserved for my future husband in marriage if he is doing something I might not like and isn't willing to change. Till then............Like my pastor will say, tell the Holyspirit to visit the person ;)


Most times, the signs of abuse are written right there from the get go, even before the full yes I will date you answer. Its not too late to turn back. Dont pity date someone or think he/she will change because you said yes. If you have such mentality, be ready to keep saying yes even at the altar and in marriage. Nobody can change anybody only God has such power. Now quit acting like you are Jesus and stop thinking you can change anyone. You can only influence people and state your opinion. Its not your responsibility to change anyone, relationship is for two matured people not one abuser and one matured person. Maturity is not in age or physiology.
Well I do hope you are learning something from my story. 

P.s ex-mr left a voicemail ehm ehm, I have been so tempted to call back and insult him. But hey, thats breaking the rule. I know you wonder, did I ever love him, of course I did but when you realize you deserve better, then you rephrase that statement and say if my experience was the definition of love, I will choose to remain single

P.ss I am doing great, I found a wonderful bible chapter Isaiah 43. It is encouraging and asures me that God is with me all through this journey.

Have a safe and wonderful week! Pass on the message

Lesson learnt-You could ruin an opportunity by talking too much

Hello!.

 So today I told my family the story of ex-mr. My brother was furious and called me all sort of names. I cried and continue to switch off the phone. Spoke to my mentor who encouraged me to hold on as I deserve much better. I understand why my family is outrage because na me take hand spoil family relationship. How do I mean you say? Well I have learnt never to discuss family matter with anyone not even fiance until you are married. More so, despite being married or single, always hold your family members and friends in high esteem in front of anyone.

You see I have a family friend who has taken it upon herself to cater to my every need to ease the responsibility on my parents. This friend goes as far as paying all my bills and giving me extra kudi to hold. Thing is, we have a great close relationship even with the kids and all. So, when ex-mr came on the scene, being that i was single for (x-years), I told my family friend about him. This friend was so excited that she paid his ticket to come visit me, she calls him,  they were close like siblings. She even cried when we had problems. So, when cater cater bust during my relationship with ex-mr, he called up my family friend and told her and her husband everything I told him in confidence about the family out of sheer concern. I wasn't even aware of it even when me and him settled and decided to work on the relationship. So for weeks I noticed my family friend was acting strange towards me. Then one day, she called me and asked about the relationship. I said oh we are back together taking it one day at a time; then she said she has been avoiding me for a reason she knows I wasn't aware of. Well, she told me everything the ex-mr said to her, she was disgusted and embarrassed. She mentioned that the ticket money was suppose to be for other stuffs because she lied about it. But the ex-mr told the husband everything. I was like oh WOW! ^_^ (shouting in my head CHINEKENAM OH!).

You know I was so shocked that I didn't speak to him throughout the day. So, when I asked ex-mr, he said oh it was out of anger (ladies and gentle men dont marry an angry person oh!you deserve better else he/she will ruin your life even if you clock 40year still single dont do it out of desperation, you will regret because you are better off single than staying with an angry man/woman. What if he/she gets out of control someday and choke you to death nko? you will say because my clock was ticking so I had to tick back abi? ok na). Then the blame shifted to me saying how come I didn't call him up immediately blah blah. I said how will you miss such info, you didnt tell me till about two weeks later?? He said sorry but continue to blame me and set new rules of always clarifying with him before making conclusions (ladies and gent be cautious when the blame shifts to you, a wrong the other person did, that is MANIPULATION). I said okay fair enough and apologized (mumuism number 1). Abusers manipulate you and always make you feel sorry.

Thing is, my family friend stop talking to me, and my family wasn't aware as they have been friends with my parents for over 20+ years.

Worst thing was, because my family was experiencing financial difficulty, this family friend decided to pay a loan off on my behalf so I could graduate and get a job then repay later. But with ex-mr's anger being his cheerleader,  that opportunity, well I dunno. I am hoping and praying for God to make a way. With regards to the loan payment, my parents were not aware that this family friend was taken that burden to do it.

Now that they are aware of what was said and how my relationship with someone who is so close to us has scattered, we keep praying God in his infinite mercy will touch their hearts to forgive me. I do not want the loan, all I want is my relationship with my family friend restored.

I got the opportunity to attend a bridal shower today woohooo! it was fun, most of the advice I got as a single lady there was, dont rush into marriage oh, else you will rush out (LOL, i was picturing how rats run in and out of the house after stealing). Take your time. My pastor says, dont ask God for a sign to know if a man/woman is the one for you because you will open your thoughts to other spirits to confuse you. I was like cool stuff.

Till next time people. I hope everyone is learning, if not for yourself but for a family or friend.. Note the signs, I was taught the signs of abusive relationship in school, I work with people in them, I thought I knew it all. But hey, the hunter sometimes becomes the hunted.. So set your traps well..

P.s ex-mr is still texting and calling ^-^. Another strategy is not to read the text nor listen to the voicemails so that my emotions dont play tricks on me to pity him and take him back. I do pray God helps him and he should refrain from stalking my friends on facebook o-O...

P.s.s I am doing well, I wen to church, this blog is my personal diary so I am coping well. A friend said she hopes I made  the right decision. LOL really? oh yes I did

Como stats my followers.. Be blessed.. Have a great week ahead...pass on the message

Update

Hello!
I didn't realize the comment box wasn't there :S..Thanks Ibhade ;)..Sorry :)
I finally informed my family about the whole situation  (why? situation is so messy)..As off today it did dawn on me that I was in an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. I guess its till you are in it you realize what is going on. I want to thank God for giving me the courage to say NO and not marry that man.. Lord have mercy..I do think I will be able to write more about it  once my competition is over.. You can go comment on the previous post..Thanks.

When a man tells you to give him back everything he ever gave you with the whole calculations just because he is angry.. what do you say to that? (story for another day). Then constantly reminds you of everything he has done? Before you know, he will say he created you o-O.

Ladies and Gent I pray you learn from my story because most of us see the red flags of an abusive relationship but we think oh love conquers. Love conquer abi? Some say they cant walk out because people will laugh or because they walked out before and came back.Why some says women (Africans especially) are taught to stick to the end..End ey?..Like my friend says no use shame chop poison..If you are not married dont be afraid to walk away but if you are, please go for couselling.. Ha my hands fail me to type the whole experince :S I need to gather all the strenght I can to finish the competition then I will write more..

Have a wonderful weekend...

Crocodile Tears or not??

                                                              Hello!
      Yesterday I was able to get a little work done :( and talk to God (yes!!). Honestly, its difficult just letting go 3 weeks to my national competition. The ex-Mr called multiple times and left messages, NO I didnt pick. He was crying and crying in the voice mail, I guess he knows the tears do get to me.. But then I wonder which one is real tears and which one is crocodile tears. I mean when he cries its so loud then he suddenly stops, hiss and continues his convo ^-^ (that's something I still don't understand even if he said its normal to him); but yesterday the tears was ongoing. I have experienced both in the relationship but oh well, I guess with some people you just never know.
He mentioned in his message he cant live without me o-O. You know he said this multiple times and did what he did. The last incident he was suicidal :S..So I am thinking should I inform one of his family member I know or just let him get over it himself? My hand no dey oh, the way its hard for him is the same way it is for me.

Oh, I notice one strange thing, ever since I called everything off, I have this sense of relief, freedom, control e.t.c, Dunno if its a good thing? or perhaps I have healed fast? or I never loved him? or I am in denial?.. I did cry yesterday, but I wiped my tears and set some goals for myself.
At this point, my family and close friends are not aware (that guy do me bad oh -_-). I decided not to say much until the national competition is over because I have some questions to answer (I owe no one explanation abi? seperate story for another day). Oh well till next time..

P.S I blocked his number already but he leaves messages -_^. Please give me tips to stay focus till the competition is over.. Oh he is now adding my face book friends (:O i thought they had demons??). I left him on facebook to keep his attention there till I am done..

A broken relationship is better that a broken marriage.. A stitch in time saves ?? (my future ;) )

Unveiling Gold- The beginning

This is my personal blog and I plan to share my experiences as I begin a new phase in my life. I recently called off my engagement after a long relationship. I believe I deserve better. It has not been fun but I want to be certain I made the right choice to let a person people call an angel go. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Give me time, I will say my story day by day and document my journey. I am currently at a point of loosing everything I have worked for or gaining new things. As I appreciate the God that I am as well share my story, I do hope to learn new things and you learn. "I believe it is good to be open minded but don't loose your mind in the process". Please join me as I hold on to God. I believe I am "GOLD" that was discovered but didn't know its use. Lets see how this journey goes.. Welcome to my world.

I will try to update this blog daily..

Thanks for your support in advance