Lesson Learnt- Is anyone immuned to ABUSE! Long post alert!

Hello people,

Good news, the reconciliation is going well :-)..Nawa for devil work oh. Insults from my family is reducing as popsi has cautioned everyone :( . My dad said dont trust anyone with confidential information until he/she is certified confidential aka hubby/wife.

Neways, some days back  I was talking to a friend that the ex-mr hated and is now trying to be bff with (^-^). She said no guy can do that (abuse) to her because she knows her self worth (eyes rolling ^-^ really?). I said oh yea? she said of course. There is one saying I always echo to people, no matter how strongwilled you are as a christian, if you are surrrounded by unbelievers, give yourself time, if they dont learn from you, you will become like them. Okay lemme say a mini-story. I had this girlfriend who swears on her life that she cant drink ogogoro aka alcohol because she will faint blaaaah. I said ha okay but there is a way to drink not like crazy drunks (hey! i wasn't trying to initiate her oh, ehm call it what you like, I drink wine only on occassions -_-). Chick no gree. So this babe traveled to another country for holiday, she met ogogoro experts there, trust na, after hanging out with them for 1-4months, chick comes back singing the praises of beer and ogogoro (uhmm e do me like film trick). Chick said, oh they talked her into it brabrappppp. Well, all I am trying to say is that the more you hang out with a person you start acting and talking like each other. If its a lie, why do maarried people look alike :D, even as christians if you spend so much time with God you will start thinking and acting like God.

So as my dear friend said she is immune to abuse due to taking antibiotics aka self awareness, I said I beg to disagree with that. There are some human beings you meet that the way they talk, you will find yourself doing the things you know are wrong (you will even start justifying it). And yes I know life is a matter of choice, you must shine your eyes. True talk. What about when the person cleaning your eyes (manipulating) is the one you hold dearly to your heart? The main thing is recognizing who you are and your worth, that's what will give you the courage to bounce out of the relationship when you are being abused. This brings me to another point, I learnt that when in a relationship, there comes a point when you pause your half-heart/ half-head button and start using the full-head button. Infact I am tempted to say in relationships use your head, in marriage use your heart and small head. :D. That point is when the dude/mam starts speaking/acting in a way you know deep in your heart is wrong (now ladies/gents, dont go suppressing that still small voice telling you the truth naw)

More so, abusers don't show themselves on the first day, they don't come with a special tag saying "I am abusive". You have to see the signs to run. You see, my ex-mr was the typical black man, clean cut, smell good, tall, dark handsome, dresses well, speaks with eloquence and gentle. Add PHD and christian to that list. Yes ladies and gentleman he was the package with an invisible label screaming hazardous material stay clear.The only thing was that I wasn't seeing that label. Dont be fooled by the he/she is a christian. Ask the questions, get under his/her skin about their spirituality. Even sometimes, this abusers are experts in lying. My ex-mr was the typical I pray and fast alot, he knew the bible quiet well, he claimed to have a relationship with God and from the way he spoke about God, ha! i was like check mark. Not everybody that says I am a christian is one. Even Lil-kim says she has a relationship with God (-_-). This brings me to the point of saying ladies/gents always pray before you enter a relationship and when you are in one, so that God will open your eyes to see things. I prayed before entering the relationship (as in prayed but I guess I wasnt listening to God).

When an individual starts making you reconsider your principles, such as sex is wrong but if we fall God will forgive us and I will make sure you dont get pregnant. Uhmm ladies and gents, its more like saying, robbing the bank is bad oh but if we do it, we will make sure the police dont catch us. I am saying when you find yourself reconsidering or modifying the principles and values that governs your life and has made you who you are, then its time to switch the half-head/half-heart button off and switch on the full-head button. Its okay to change habits like if you smoke and your partner dont like it because he/she is asthmatic (*insert your example*), but if you do things out of the selfish request of the other person then there is a problem. Its not love my dear, its stupidity.

I guess its boils down to how you present yourself to the person and how you let them treat you. But hey, some of this people are experts, all they need to do is find your kryptonite like superman, and they will tackle you well. So, sometimes, being smart or strongwilled might not help, you have to know when to switch those buttons on and off.

Another thing I will like to mention is that some men/women think because they have high self-esteem and are known by many to have such esteem, they believe a person cant abuse them. Whereas, they are in denial and keep letting the signs slip right under their nose all in the name of *i love him/her and understand him/her*. Most times, this is a factor that plays a role in a person's inability to leave such relationship. Some say they are trying to protect there self worth, others say people believe so much in the relationship, while me I was saying if I let the ex-mr go what if he change to a better person in future I dont what to miss out.

My questions to you are, what self worth are you holding onto? is it the one the abuser has shattered? or the one you allowed the abuser develop for you? or the one you threw outta the window when he/she kissed you and looked like a good influence in your life? or is it the one you flung out the window for the sake of love? pardon my questions. Another question is, who cares what people are going to say if you walk out of the relationship? do they know what you are going through and what the future holds? are they going to marry you and the abuser? will they be there 24/7 to hold your hands? people say what they think is right for that situation but when they are in such situation, you have to wonder what will they do.Thats why we humans are different, so we gotta act different not acting like penguins (they all look alike). I even went as far as saying it might be God's will for me to marry him. Marry? sometimes we humans bring things upon ourselves and blame God after all the signs he has shown us. You know, I said to myself, if he changes in future, let the next woman enjoy him (ladies/gents that's reality), but me, I wont spend my life waiting/hoping/praying that he changes so I can enjoy him. That prayer is reserved for my future husband in marriage if he is doing something I might not like and isn't willing to change. Till then............Like my pastor will say, tell the Holyspirit to visit the person ;)


Most times, the signs of abuse are written right there from the get go, even before the full yes I will date you answer. Its not too late to turn back. Dont pity date someone or think he/she will change because you said yes. If you have such mentality, be ready to keep saying yes even at the altar and in marriage. Nobody can change anybody only God has such power. Now quit acting like you are Jesus and stop thinking you can change anyone. You can only influence people and state your opinion. Its not your responsibility to change anyone, relationship is for two matured people not one abuser and one matured person. Maturity is not in age or physiology.
Well I do hope you are learning something from my story. 

P.s ex-mr left a voicemail ehm ehm, I have been so tempted to call back and insult him. But hey, thats breaking the rule. I know you wonder, did I ever love him, of course I did but when you realize you deserve better, then you rephrase that statement and say if my experience was the definition of love, I will choose to remain single

P.ss I am doing great, I found a wonderful bible chapter Isaiah 43. It is encouraging and asures me that God is with me all through this journey.

Have a safe and wonderful week! Pass on the message