Hi everyone!...Thanks so so much for the congrats :)...
Ok so let dig in to whats been on my mind...
I was wondering is it possible to have a relationship with a guy you have never laid eyes on except of course pictures? I was watching a movie called "the perfect man" and the lady said the same statement mentioned above. Neways, personally I dont know how people survive transatlantic, intercontinental, interstate relationships with people they havent met? My last relationship was interstate and I keep saying to my friends, if I cant drive to go visit the guy, then I am not interested. Do you think that is too harsh of a requirement? This is because a friend said its more like limiting myself. I also said even if I meet the guy in my base but he was just visiting, I wont be interested...So whats your opinion on this transatlantic, intercontinental, interstate relationships?
Another question I have is, ok lemme say it. I have a good friend dating transatlantic and from the little she told me, it sounds like she isnt happy. Personally, she has confided in me and I told her what I thought about the guy's attitude.T hen she says she cant tell me much because she knows him alot and I might misread things. What bothers me so much is that I know her so well and I know that is not what she wants in a guy, i see it as settling but she dont see it that way. Okay what do you make of the statement, I wish he has more passion for .....(which is important to her) than....The guy said you have to like what I like.. Recently I asked her whatsup? and she sounded okay. I said fine, you know your guy is across the ocean and you havent met him, I believe its better to talk to people who know you well about your problems. She said she cant talk to me about it except married people who have lots of experience. I said well fine I do hope they give you wise counsel but I still believe you should talk to those who know you very well. Most of the married people are not that close to you nor know you. Judging from experience, it was a married woman I confided in during by abusive relationship and she just said I am overacting. So my point was, married or not, if people aint in a good place they cant give you proper counsel. I didnt know how to react with her point of discussing her relationship with only married people only but whatever is going to help her make the best decision, i encourage her to go for..So my bloggers, what do you think?
I look forward to your input. Have a wonderful weekend.
Ok so let dig in to whats been on my mind...
I was wondering is it possible to have a relationship with a guy you have never laid eyes on except of course pictures? I was watching a movie called "the perfect man" and the lady said the same statement mentioned above. Neways, personally I dont know how people survive transatlantic, intercontinental, interstate relationships with people they havent met? My last relationship was interstate and I keep saying to my friends, if I cant drive to go visit the guy, then I am not interested. Do you think that is too harsh of a requirement? This is because a friend said its more like limiting myself. I also said even if I meet the guy in my base but he was just visiting, I wont be interested...So whats your opinion on this transatlantic, intercontinental, interstate relationships?
Another question I have is, ok lemme say it. I have a good friend dating transatlantic and from the little she told me, it sounds like she isnt happy. Personally, she has confided in me and I told her what I thought about the guy's attitude.T hen she says she cant tell me much because she knows him alot and I might misread things. What bothers me so much is that I know her so well and I know that is not what she wants in a guy, i see it as settling but she dont see it that way. Okay what do you make of the statement, I wish he has more passion for .....(which is important to her) than....The guy said you have to like what I like.. Recently I asked her whatsup? and she sounded okay. I said fine, you know your guy is across the ocean and you havent met him, I believe its better to talk to people who know you well about your problems. She said she cant talk to me about it except married people who have lots of experience. I said well fine I do hope they give you wise counsel but I still believe you should talk to those who know you very well. Most of the married people are not that close to you nor know you. Judging from experience, it was a married woman I confided in during by abusive relationship and she just said I am overacting. So my point was, married or not, if people aint in a good place they cant give you proper counsel. I didnt know how to react with her point of discussing her relationship with only married people only but whatever is going to help her make the best decision, i encourage her to go for..So my bloggers, what do you think?
I look forward to your input. Have a wonderful weekend.
Love-across-the-ocean is very tricky particularly wen uv never met. From wat I know, 95% dnt make it. Call me Ruth bt I think one-on-one contact is Very important for a meaningful relationship.
ReplyDeleteAs for only speaking to married pple: Wisdom is not issued with marriage certificate. Besids,no 2relationships r dsame & ders really no rule-book to matters of d heart. That said, I think your friend should be open to meaningful advice & she can den weigh her options.
All d best to ur frnd.
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan, the bittersweet irony in the timing of this post!!! If only i were an anonymous blogger, the stories i could share about that long-distance stuff.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, all i can say at the moment is if you find yourself in some long distance thing, if there is no plan for that distance to be bridged, i don't see how its supposed to last.
I agree with you, your friend should speak to people that know her well and/or those she knows she can get good advice from. Just because someone is married doesn't make them wise. Especially since what works for one person doesn't work for everyone. Not to mention we never know what goes on behind that couples closed doors.
I used to be anti LDRs until I met someone and I realized that I would always look back with regret if I let distance stand in the way. It has been a journey with pros and cons but definately worth it.
ReplyDeleteOn advice taking; I never heard where marriage made anyone wiser, granted they have firsthand experience in some matters. In my opinion, no 2 relationships are ever the same so we basically have to find our way ourselves.
Been there twice. And with the value of hindsight, LDR's don't work. But then, no 2 relationships are the same. What works for me may not work for other people.
ReplyDeleteWhen you only have a picture, you build the other characteristics of the person yourself. Easiest way to setup for a letdown.
ReplyDeleteIMO, LDR's requires a lot more work than close relationships. It's even more tasking if you have never met the person. Your friend needs to talk to someone she is really close to and trusts. The guy saying she has to like what he likes sounds selfish. Marriage is not synonymous with wisdom. All the best to her.
ReplyDeletenaijabankgirl.blogspot.com
hmm...Long-distance...It's very dicey. Even with close proximity, you can misjudge the real attitude of the guy not to now talk of Interstate. Very very dicey.
ReplyDeleteNuff has been said on advice from married ones. Not all advice is ultimate but wisdom will surely direct her.
In these days of skype, igoogle why are we talking of pictures? I don't like LDR but guess what..that's what I've mostly had. not funny. I will tell her not to listen to statistics shaa. Rather her heart...
ReplyDeletelol@ Toinlicious' comment "Wisdom is not issued with marriage certificate"
Toinlicous lmao, but dats so true.
ReplyDeleteTruth is that LDR is not for everyone and just anyone. You have to be able to do a lot of communication to make up for not seeing each other, we have Skype, yahoomsnja, ovoo, hell Facebook even has video chat now(so I heard), all these "technologies" make communication easier unlike the days of letter writing which could take forever to get to the recipient. But at the same time if one party in a r/ship is not willing to do the whole communicating thing, then it's just a waste of time. Communication is supposed to cover up the distance.
I see what your friend is saying because on a sincere note, it'd be hard taking "life" advice from someone who was born with a silver spoon and served on a platter of gold. You'd want the advice to come from someone who has gone through the same thing as you or similar. I think that's just human nature but we fail to understand wisdom does not always have to depend on experience.
P.S: The purpose driven life by Rick Warren. That book is wonderful, it was a gift from my Dad and I still have it. I love inspirational books.
Nothing is impossible for a willing heart.....Marcus Aurelus.
ReplyDeleteAs regards to LDR's, it involves a lot of commitment from both parties. I am presently in an LDR and i am loving every minute of it, we are meeting in less than 2 weeks and i am super duper excited.
@ Toinlicious: very on point, i can't shout!
Being that I am currently in a LDR, I can categorically say it is a lot of work (in some aspects), yet not so much more than your average relationship (in other aspects). I dont know about the part of her not having met him at all before sha. As far as I am concerned, you have to be connected on some level before you get connected on some level.....( I know that doesnt make sense and no, I dont mean sex). Communication goes beyond the verbal or written part..there is the nonverbal one too and that may be difficult to see where there is no proximity.
ReplyDeleteI think I know where she is coming from as far as not wanting to tell you...sometimes, it really is complicated.
But at the end of the day, only she can make the decision.
Hmm...I'm not a fan of long distance relationships...especially if the couple has never met face to face...but that doesn't mean that they don't work...I've heard some success stories
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day it's important to ask God for direction and seek Godly counsel...nothing more...nothing less
A relationship can start online, but if it is meant to be serious or romantic, and not just friendship, then they need to set a time limit to meet each other.
ReplyDeleteAs for talking only to married people, what if the married person has no experience in that particular area?
Long distance relationships are NOT for the faint hearted.
ReplyDeleteI think your friend is being a little silly regarding her statement of only wanting to speak to married people because of their experience. She could be missing out on good counsel from someone who's been in the same predicament and is now single as a result of it.
She doesn't sound happy to me, but unfortunately, it's her life and only she can live it. You can't force her to tell you anything, you'll just have to leave her be. If she decides she wants to talk to you she knows where to find you. Just let her know you're there if she needs you.
LDR is really tricky but some make it work, so your friend might be on the right track.
ReplyDelete