Hello everyone, how have you all been?
Hmm I have been following the case of the Nigerian lady Mrs Titilayo who was murdered by her husband..I just read the developing story here . Its really sad, she was even trying to get him a job..I wonder why people are wicked. Now that she is dead, what does the man stand to gain? pure wickedness. I do pray God help the family and have mercy on him..In as much as I will like to insult him, I believe he is going through serious self persecution (if there is such)..
One thing I notice is that people in abusive relationship know how to lie for or defend their abusers. Its very sad tho..The signs are always there. When I was still with the ex-mr, given my line of profession, he was intimidated by how much I will be making, please remember this guy was working towards his PHD. I didnt know this until we had a quarrel and he told my aunt that I said he was marrying me for the amount of money I will be making -_-...Most times, this abusive men/women make it known to you in subtle ways. For example, the ex-mr was working towards his PHD but all of a sudden said he wants to take a break and start working so he will make enough money to take care of me, and to avoid me disrespecting him once I get a job..huh? Now some ladies will say that is sweet but I want you to ask yourself does the motive even make sense? I mean, the original goal was to finish his PHD not stop half way because of one excuse or the other..This should alert you of possible insecurities, I mean why should there be a problem if your profession dish out more money than his before completing his PHD? Ladies and gents please bare those questions in mind..
This brings me to the topic of leaving the abusive person.. I didnt want to write this until I was sure I wont go back to him. With every passing day, I thank God for victory, deliverance..I just thank God for strenght and now I am no longer scared I will go back to him or I will melt when I see him..
P.s the ex-mr was in the same country as me but different cities, so I dont know if that qualifies as long distance.. keep reading.. If you want to call it quits be ready to be accountable to someone or no one else you are deceiving yourself and you will return to the abuser maybe not now but later..I didnt edit it oh!!!!!!!! no vex
So few months before the breakup with the ex mr, I was already tired, I didnt know how to end this. I felt he was the only one for me. He fits everything in my husband list just that he was abusive. He told me he was the only one who could love me the way he did -_-. He understood me so well that most times he could guess what was on my mind, so I felt he was mr right. I felt I found gold but if I let him go I will regret it later in life..But I was tired. I was tired of crying every night, not studying, fighting with the so called one I love, watching what I wear so I dont expose too much, being careful around men, cut off my male friends. I tried to change to suit him. I even embarked on a fasting so that God will change me.He had all the excuses from me being proud, disrespectful, to flirtatious, he called me names but then he was sweet and romantic. Chei, I said to myself how will I let him go? I remember that our last fight left me broken where he asked for his engagement ring back, said he doesnt want to marry me in this life, because of how I put things before him. Then few days later, he begged, cried, for one week I didnt speak to him but I missed him so much that I couldnt eat. He got his family and friends to beg me to take him back. I remember when I told my aunty about the abuse, she cried, my friend who calls him an angel thought I was lying. I couldnt tell my family because my sister was against it from the get go and I have defended him in front of my parents. So, turning to my family and friends that I want to break up with him was not an option because, 1) they would be bias, 2) my friends already liked him and said I shouldnt let him go because of all the sweet stories I told them, some believe we could work things out, 3) my other friend was in support but does not follow through on you after dishing such advice.. Ha! my option was God. I knew I was tired, I was very confused (I have never been so confused like that in my entire life), his family was indirectly pressuring me with his mom (I have only spoken to her over the phone never met her) saying he should quickly marry me, and how he is such a good person but they dont know where such behaviour came from. Ladies/Gents, when you get to a point where you are very confuse about a lover, please talk to God. They say when you dont know what to do, do noting. I remember my very good friend once told me, always listen to your heart, it will always tell you the truth..But at this point, I was deaf to whatever my heart was saying. I was CONFUSED!!!!Just because the abuser's family likes you isnt enough excuse to stay. Its your life, will they be happy if their own relation was going through the same as you?
So, remember I mentioned how I started fasting for weeks so that God will change me? well that fasting helped and prepared me leading to the day of the breakup. In the beginning I was praying the "God change me prayer", then I switch to "God, if it is your will please establish this relationship but if itsnt, please dissolve it, heal us individually and make us go our seperate ways". Before you leave an abusive partner, you must have a plan. You cant wake up one morning and say I am tired because you will go back. They say when you are really tired of something, you will leave. So, during my fast (I didnt tell anyone about my fast), I decided to confide in 2 of my female pastors (one was a marriage counsellor while the other work with abused women as her profession) who had no clue about what has been happening. I wanted someone neutral, someone who didn't know me well. I didnt tell anyone I wanted to break up with the ex-mr because I knew that people who knew me will influence my decision especially friends. So, I told them the story and was ready to be accountable (I told her my every move with the mister so they could keep me in check) . She told me to watch his behaviour, remain respectful, ignore little things (Ignorance is a powerful tool) and the next time we have a quarrel I should let her know. We talked about my feelings (I told them everything from my part to his part, how my self esteem was going south, how I was becoming a ghost of myself, fear of being alone), what I wanted in a man and life, how I plan to move on, avoiding phone calls (I blocked and deleted his numbersss, ignored certain calls that had his area code, blocked and deleted his email and skype, I permanently deleted my Facebook account, I started doing something to distract myself when I miss him, not telling my friends until about few weeks after the breakup, so basically putting plans in place and follow-up calls to encourage me all through. I was kinda prepared to break up, I was waiting for the time to summon full courage to make that call. By the day, the ex-mr was becoming sweet and even said I was sweeter lol
On one lovely afternoon after a misunderstanding we settled the night before, I was reluctant to give the pastors a call. In my heart, I knew once I made that call, then it was time to let this dude go. I didnt know how I was going to do this. I made the call and told the women what had happened.It was time to call it off, now that I knew how to move on from here, I decided to call the ex-mr. I called him (yup the breakup was over the phone, and the torture was over the phone too) and told him, how I felt and how I couldnt continue that way. He cried so much but I had to remind myself that I have cried too many time before. I told him to stop crying, and he asked me if I was very sure? he said he was sorry for everything he has done, for treating me as crap, that he will change bla bla bla...he cried and cried that a friend who came visiting started begging me to give him another chance for her sake (see why I said you shouldn't tell your friends), he said he will never contact me. I told him not to contact me again and I sure will do the the same. After the call, I felt a sense of relief, freedom, and control. He left me countless text messages and voice mails which I deleted (sometimes I did read them but the pastors called me back to order). Since I could block the phone calls, I couldn't block his voice mail and text messages, part of the plan was not to read his text messages or listen to his voice messages, so I dont start feeling sorry for him. It was hard but I continue praying for God's strength because I did love him...Day by day, this guy pestered me but gladly I found something to distract me. I avoided staying on the phone for long hours instead I decided to start this blog and let my story be known...Also, I deleted his entire pictures even if I wanted to keep one to show people who he was. I had to rid myself of everything that reminded me of him such as gifts, his family members contact information, I didnt pick their calls because I didnt want to be convinced it was another mistake. I continued to pray to God and I made sure to be real with God. I needed God to help me get rid of thoughts of him, you know reminiscing of the special times.......I got involved in church, started sharing my experience with friends so they could learn, and through this blog. I told my family which I blogged about when I started..
I can proudly say, its been months since the breakup, I haven't contacted him or anything even if I snicked into facebook through a friends account just to see what he was up with him. But that's about it. I continue to pray daily and totally surrendered my heart to God. I no fit shout abeg I no want heart attack.. I spend my time with me, discovering my beauty because I am Gold that has been unveiled but I didnt know my worth. I read books that interest me not related to relationship per se but related to what I am interested in life. I made sure to avoid pity parties because I dont want to be considered a victim rather a role model.
One thing is I am glad about is that through this journey, I had 2 people who God used to support me. Also, I have not grown hatred for men, I still admire them, I dont find them disgusting and I do believe that not all men are the same. The ex-mr was a case of wahala in disguise of happiness.I talk to guys and I reconnected with my guy friends. Please leave an abuser before you become another case of many who have died..
Like I will say, no use shame chop poison abi winch
Like the ex-mr would say, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage..
Its never too late to make a change, seize the moment and ask God for direction.
I said to myself, if he changes in future, let the next woman enjoy him (ladies/gents that's reality), but me, I wont spend my life waiting/hoping/praying that he changes so I can enjoy him. That prayer is reserved for my future husband in marriage if he is doing something I might not like and isn't willing to change. Till then............Like my pastor will say, tell the Holyspirit to visit the person ;)
There you have it!...I will like to thank my followers, God bless you all. Your comments when I first started blogging, really helped me..May God bless you all..
RIP Mrs Titilayo
Thanks for reading..Till next time enjoy..
Hmm I have been following the case of the Nigerian lady Mrs Titilayo who was murdered by her husband..I just read the developing story here . Its really sad, she was even trying to get him a job..I wonder why people are wicked. Now that she is dead, what does the man stand to gain? pure wickedness. I do pray God help the family and have mercy on him..In as much as I will like to insult him, I believe he is going through serious self persecution (if there is such)..
One thing I notice is that people in abusive relationship know how to lie for or defend their abusers. Its very sad tho..The signs are always there. When I was still with the ex-mr, given my line of profession, he was intimidated by how much I will be making, please remember this guy was working towards his PHD. I didnt know this until we had a quarrel and he told my aunt that I said he was marrying me for the amount of money I will be making -_-...Most times, this abusive men/women make it known to you in subtle ways. For example, the ex-mr was working towards his PHD but all of a sudden said he wants to take a break and start working so he will make enough money to take care of me, and to avoid me disrespecting him once I get a job..huh? Now some ladies will say that is sweet but I want you to ask yourself does the motive even make sense? I mean, the original goal was to finish his PHD not stop half way because of one excuse or the other..This should alert you of possible insecurities, I mean why should there be a problem if your profession dish out more money than his before completing his PHD? Ladies and gents please bare those questions in mind..
This brings me to the topic of leaving the abusive person.. I didnt want to write this until I was sure I wont go back to him. With every passing day, I thank God for victory, deliverance..I just thank God for strenght and now I am no longer scared I will go back to him or I will melt when I see him..
P.s the ex-mr was in the same country as me but different cities, so I dont know if that qualifies as long distance.. keep reading.. If you want to call it quits be ready to be accountable to someone or no one else you are deceiving yourself and you will return to the abuser maybe not now but later..I didnt edit it oh!!!!!!!! no vex
So few months before the breakup with the ex mr, I was already tired, I didnt know how to end this. I felt he was the only one for me. He fits everything in my husband list just that he was abusive. He told me he was the only one who could love me the way he did -_-. He understood me so well that most times he could guess what was on my mind, so I felt he was mr right. I felt I found gold but if I let him go I will regret it later in life..But I was tired. I was tired of crying every night, not studying, fighting with the so called one I love, watching what I wear so I dont expose too much, being careful around men, cut off my male friends. I tried to change to suit him. I even embarked on a fasting so that God will change me.He had all the excuses from me being proud, disrespectful, to flirtatious, he called me names but then he was sweet and romantic. Chei, I said to myself how will I let him go? I remember that our last fight left me broken where he asked for his engagement ring back, said he doesnt want to marry me in this life, because of how I put things before him. Then few days later, he begged, cried, for one week I didnt speak to him but I missed him so much that I couldnt eat. He got his family and friends to beg me to take him back. I remember when I told my aunty about the abuse, she cried, my friend who calls him an angel thought I was lying. I couldnt tell my family because my sister was against it from the get go and I have defended him in front of my parents. So, turning to my family and friends that I want to break up with him was not an option because, 1) they would be bias, 2) my friends already liked him and said I shouldnt let him go because of all the sweet stories I told them, some believe we could work things out, 3) my other friend was in support but does not follow through on you after dishing such advice.. Ha! my option was God. I knew I was tired, I was very confused (I have never been so confused like that in my entire life), his family was indirectly pressuring me with his mom (I have only spoken to her over the phone never met her) saying he should quickly marry me, and how he is such a good person but they dont know where such behaviour came from. Ladies/Gents, when you get to a point where you are very confuse about a lover, please talk to God. They say when you dont know what to do, do noting. I remember my very good friend once told me, always listen to your heart, it will always tell you the truth..But at this point, I was deaf to whatever my heart was saying. I was CONFUSED!!!!Just because the abuser's family likes you isnt enough excuse to stay. Its your life, will they be happy if their own relation was going through the same as you?
So, remember I mentioned how I started fasting for weeks so that God will change me? well that fasting helped and prepared me leading to the day of the breakup. In the beginning I was praying the "God change me prayer", then I switch to "God, if it is your will please establish this relationship but if itsnt, please dissolve it, heal us individually and make us go our seperate ways". Before you leave an abusive partner, you must have a plan. You cant wake up one morning and say I am tired because you will go back. They say when you are really tired of something, you will leave. So, during my fast (I didnt tell anyone about my fast), I decided to confide in 2 of my female pastors (one was a marriage counsellor while the other work with abused women as her profession) who had no clue about what has been happening. I wanted someone neutral, someone who didn't know me well. I didnt tell anyone I wanted to break up with the ex-mr because I knew that people who knew me will influence my decision especially friends. So, I told them the story and was ready to be accountable (I told her my every move with the mister so they could keep me in check) . She told me to watch his behaviour, remain respectful, ignore little things (Ignorance is a powerful tool) and the next time we have a quarrel I should let her know. We talked about my feelings (I told them everything from my part to his part, how my self esteem was going south, how I was becoming a ghost of myself, fear of being alone), what I wanted in a man and life, how I plan to move on, avoiding phone calls (I blocked and deleted his numbersss, ignored certain calls that had his area code, blocked and deleted his email and skype, I permanently deleted my Facebook account, I started doing something to distract myself when I miss him, not telling my friends until about few weeks after the breakup, so basically putting plans in place and follow-up calls to encourage me all through. I was kinda prepared to break up, I was waiting for the time to summon full courage to make that call. By the day, the ex-mr was becoming sweet and even said I was sweeter lol
On one lovely afternoon after a misunderstanding we settled the night before, I was reluctant to give the pastors a call. In my heart, I knew once I made that call, then it was time to let this dude go. I didnt know how I was going to do this. I made the call and told the women what had happened.It was time to call it off, now that I knew how to move on from here, I decided to call the ex-mr. I called him (yup the breakup was over the phone, and the torture was over the phone too) and told him, how I felt and how I couldnt continue that way. He cried so much but I had to remind myself that I have cried too many time before. I told him to stop crying, and he asked me if I was very sure? he said he was sorry for everything he has done, for treating me as crap, that he will change bla bla bla...he cried and cried that a friend who came visiting started begging me to give him another chance for her sake (see why I said you shouldn't tell your friends), he said he will never contact me. I told him not to contact me again and I sure will do the the same. After the call, I felt a sense of relief, freedom, and control. He left me countless text messages and voice mails which I deleted (sometimes I did read them but the pastors called me back to order). Since I could block the phone calls, I couldn't block his voice mail and text messages, part of the plan was not to read his text messages or listen to his voice messages, so I dont start feeling sorry for him. It was hard but I continue praying for God's strength because I did love him...Day by day, this guy pestered me but gladly I found something to distract me. I avoided staying on the phone for long hours instead I decided to start this blog and let my story be known...Also, I deleted his entire pictures even if I wanted to keep one to show people who he was. I had to rid myself of everything that reminded me of him such as gifts, his family members contact information, I didnt pick their calls because I didnt want to be convinced it was another mistake. I continued to pray to God and I made sure to be real with God. I needed God to help me get rid of thoughts of him, you know reminiscing of the special times.......I got involved in church, started sharing my experience with friends so they could learn, and through this blog. I told my family which I blogged about when I started..
I can proudly say, its been months since the breakup, I haven't contacted him or anything even if I snicked into facebook through a friends account just to see what he was up with him. But that's about it. I continue to pray daily and totally surrendered my heart to God. I no fit shout abeg I no want heart attack.. I spend my time with me, discovering my beauty because I am Gold that has been unveiled but I didnt know my worth. I read books that interest me not related to relationship per se but related to what I am interested in life. I made sure to avoid pity parties because I dont want to be considered a victim rather a role model.
One thing is I am glad about is that through this journey, I had 2 people who God used to support me. Also, I have not grown hatred for men, I still admire them, I dont find them disgusting and I do believe that not all men are the same. The ex-mr was a case of wahala in disguise of happiness.I talk to guys and I reconnected with my guy friends. Please leave an abuser before you become another case of many who have died..
Like I will say, no use shame chop poison abi winch
Like the ex-mr would say, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage..
Its never too late to make a change, seize the moment and ask God for direction.
I said to myself, if he changes in future, let the next woman enjoy him (ladies/gents that's reality), but me, I wont spend my life waiting/hoping/praying that he changes so I can enjoy him. That prayer is reserved for my future husband in marriage if he is doing something I might not like and isn't willing to change. Till then............Like my pastor will say, tell the Holyspirit to visit the person ;)
There you have it!...I will like to thank my followers, God bless you all. Your comments when I first started blogging, really helped me..May God bless you all..
RIP Mrs Titilayo
Thanks for reading..Till next time enjoy..
